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Selena, I’ll send your ass back to REHAB!

Saturday was just one of those days… one of those day where I had to do the Shit that I have put off for, oh I don’t know, since last year! It had rained so much last year that in our garden, we didn’t grow vegetables or fruits, oh no, we grew weeds and not the (cough, cough) illegal kind! Weeds that ended up taller than me and had trunks like baby elephants! So I set my activity watch to cardio, because you bet your ass I was going to get the calories for working! I love my activity tracker as it tells me when I get to eat more food and tells me great job for doing moving!

After a long day of having to ADULT! I burned a pile of shit that we needed to get rid of, scrap wood, weeds, and whatever else I could find to make a big ass fire! Because when you live out in the middle of nowhere, you can do what ever you want. I mean, really, if I wanted to run around my house completely buck ass naked, I could! My closest neighbor is about half mile down the road! I haven’t run around my house naked… yet.

So while the fire was a blazin’, I had the best idea of my life (for this moment). I ran inside, grabbed some cheap nail polish, and came back outside. I immediately grabbed the brown chicken and painted her nails! She was cooperative for the most part, I think she liked the pampering. She normally is more of a bitch chicken than anything. After I was finished with her, I grabbed our only other grown chicken, the black one.

Side note, we had never really named our chickens before and they are two years old. We would mess with Jasmine about naming them nugget, tender, spicy, or random things to make her freak out.


But earlier, my family went to the store and I noticed this tabloid, “Selena, Rehab saved my life”. So, after painting the chickens nails, I needed to take  picture, because no one would believe me! I mean, who in their right mind would paint a chickens nails??? Me, probably because I left my mind somewhere else! The brown chicken stood very still for her picture but I had to chase that damn black chicken around. I started yelling “Come back here Selena or I’m gonna send your ass back to REHAB!”


Selena, then ran into her coop area, and I figured ‘stupid chicken, there’s no way out, Ill corner you’ but I was fucking outsmarted by a chicken! Selena ran up her ramp into her house!

I have now named the brown chicken Lindsay Lohan since she has been in and out of rehab and still cant get her life or shit together.

UMM side note or turn signal, I’m not sure if the correct term is buck as naked or butt as naked? or bear ass named? Neither deer or bears wear pants, so their shits all out there anyways.

Side note on turn signals, I have to use turn signals when talking to people I know. My mind changes so fast that mere mortals have a hard time following, and so I update them when I have a new thought. This happens very often and really, I lose most people if I don’t tell them I’ve moved on.

3 thoughts on “Selena, I’ll send your ass back to REHAB!”

  1. Rhianna saw how you violated Linsey and got her shit together REAL fast! I don’t blame her though. I wouldn’t want my nails done with some cheap ass polish either!


    1. HAHAHA they really are a hot mess, both the stars and also the chickens! I cant wait to name the 16 others but they are grumpy teenage chickens right now, with their crappy teenage attitudes. 🙂


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