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What you need is a swirly

I have a wonderful ability to turn a tense situation into something that make someone feel better. You guys know about my husband’s hand surgery but sometimes I amaze myself of the shit I can come up with!

Jasmine fell down the stairs last week and ended up having to be taken to the ER because she was super sick couple hours later. This is what happens when a 9 year old doesn’t think, and she doesn’t think about things like

wood floors + slick boot+ running = disaster

Side note to the ER, our hospital does not call our ER an ER, oh no…. They have decided to name it ED! Like Erectile Dysfunction! Who the fuck names something after ED or changes it from ER to ED? It used to be called ER but now its ED. While we were waiting, I kept imagining people walking in being greeted by the people behind the desk in the best British/ Mrs. Doubtfire accent possible “Hello, Welcome to the ED, where we pass out little blue pills while you wait!”

Robin Williams Hello GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

And for those who don’t know who Mrs. Doubtfire is, OMG! You need to see it, its like one of the movies that someone has to see in order to pass into the next phase of life. It was my first look into cross dressing but not at all accurate but hilarious, mainly because it was Robin Williams and who doesn’t love Robin Williams? Dead or not, he is like my spirit animal, or something like that…

Ok, sorry for the random rant, I do that sometimes! I seriously have to tell Clark turn signal because I change subjects SO much that this is my way of me allowing him to keep up! If I don’t, he just looks at me all bewildered and in his head I think hes saying WTF?!?! but he’s nice and loves me and just basically tries to figure what the hell I’m talking about.

Anyways, Back to my story… Jasmine being in the ED (Im still laughing…)  the doctor came in and said they wanted to take a CT scan of her noggin’ and she looked nervously at me. I did feel bad for her but I don’t make people feel better in normal ways, because lets face it, I’m SSOOOO not normal. I’m totally ok with this! Who wants normal anyways, that shit it BORING!

I calmly explained to her that a CT scan is like a way they take picture of her head and they do this by putting her head down in a contraption that looked like a toilet and they take the pictures while they basically ‘flush’ this thing that looks like a toilet! And in a sense, we came to the hospital because she needed a giant swirly. Both Jasmine and the nurse that was in the room just looked at me… very strangely. Then the nurse totally got it and began playing along! It was great because she started going into more technical detail of the toilet flushing thing that took pictures! I did not tell Jasmine any different when it was time to go to the CT scan. I figured she had enough on her brain, not to mention the possibility of being traumatized by a giant toilet, so I let her think what she wanted. It helped take her mind of the fact that she was seriously going to be put inside of a giant donut thing that clicks and hums.

Good news, she was fine, no damage to that wonderful brain that is going to save the world one day! And I mean save the world, you know, cause world peace, save the animals, and develop unicorns and other magical shit that everyone secretly loves and would make them happy!

UUMMM… this thing is saying that donut is not a real word but I’m pretty sure it is! I mean, I think they are super disgusting. But other people really love them. But then again, Merriam Webster says that fart isn’t a word and scrabble refuses to accept it in my scrabble app. Fart is a real word dammit! Jasmine rips them all the time and they are super foul!

2 thoughts on “What you need is a swirly”

  1. Jasmine, as well as your other little turdlet, is very lucky to have a crazy momma. This will help them swerve around the ctazies in life! They get enough of that shit ay home. Really enjoy reading the blog and look forward to reading more.
    PS. Glad the unicorn is safe and no animals urinated on you


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